... is that I, more than most people, have grown up way too fortunate for my own good. Not that I come from a family that by any means has a lot of money, but rather I've never had to pay bills, worry about tuition, or about money in general. A couple years ago I read an article at Boundless which talked about "adultescence", a social phenomenon made possible by Western affluence, in which adulthood is delayed well into the 20's and is accompanied by general lack of financial responsibility and commitment. I totally agreed with that article. Only to realize now that I've still be living it this whole time. Especially at a commuter school like UBC where I, like most students, lived with my parents, which meant no worrying about food, electricity, etc. and more money for movies, entertainment, eating out, and whatever I fancied. I didn't even hold a job while I was studying, which no small number of people do. I said I wanted to concentrate on studying, so I only held a few very informal jobs, mostly during the summers. And I definitely studied like crazy but as most people know, I was an avid gamer and also spent a lot of time on anime and manga...... here's that adultescence again, in the way time is spent, because as we know time=money (and money=evil and girls=time but psh, whatever =p)
What's really hit me in this past week is dude, I seriously need to grow up. I do buy groceries instead of eating out because it's expensive, but it's much more than that. Today I went to buy my malaria pills and other stuff for the missions trip, and one other thing that I had been prescribed was anti-diarrheal medicine. (Not the over-the-counter kind, but the really potent kind for serious cases...) And I was shocked to find out that 3 doses cost $30, but I shelled out the money anyway, and 5 minutes later went back to the pharmacist to return them. It's not worth it, it's not going to kill me anyways, and people on missions always get sick and I don't hear of THEM taking meds... =p Later, I was looking at the over-the-counter version, immodium, I was seriously considering at least buying that right? Because spending all of your time in the bathroom is hardly an effective ministry for Christ, and for that, I am willing to pay $7. As I was reading the box though, I caught a glimpse of the words "side effects include tiredness, dizziness, and nausea". I thought to myself, so either way I'm likely to feel rather unwell, only one way involves $7 and putting strange chemicals in my body. As if I'm not putting strange chemicals in my body already, what with all the shots and live oral typhoid vaccine, and malaria pills and so on, but that's beside the point. =p
I'm grateful to have learned these things, however uncertain my future is financially. It's a luxury for ME to be able to bake cheesecakes and try new recipes, even if it is for other people. A luxury to eat out and buy new clothes. A luxury and strange, sad kind of irony to have to buy things just to store all the stuff I own. So even though I don't fully know how I will pay for my summer or tuition in the fall, I thank God, because when He does provide, I can be a better and wiser steward for it. My parents understand very well how to save money, because they grew up very poor, but I have not yet learned how to really make an effort to not spend what I don't need to.
Though I do not want to worship money. To save and spend are both good, it depends on what and why, on God's calling and personal convictions. To enjoy food and appreciate beauty are not inherently bad, because God created food and God is the epitome of beauty. =)
But I would rather spend less on myself, and more for the kingdom, because we know that treasures stored up in heaven are eternal and only in God can we ever truly be satisfied. Oh how He has shown me one of my (really petty) weaknesses regarding this in the past few days! But that's a story for another time... now I shall study for my final tomorrow morning. =p
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Leaving for Africa soon
I figure it's about time to start blogging again, so that I can keep people updated.
On the morning of May 6, 2008, I finally received word that I had been accepted to go to Kenya this summer. It was the end of many weeks of waiting and praying and more waiting, and the beginning of more praying and rushed preparations. As I've been telling almost everyone, I'm super excited!! I have had such a deep longing for Africa for so long, and since the day I found out about ICY in mid-March, God has been opening doors.
But I'm so anxious. I've barely had an appetite for a week, and that means stress. I can only pray that it is because I have so many things to think about and do, and not because I do not trust God. When I heard the news, my mind was going a million miles an hour coming up with a to-do list which included getting my vaccinations, deciding on when exactly to fly out and booking my tickets, talking to my parents, writing my support letter and raising support, finding someone to sublet my apartment, cleaning and packing up all my belongings, booking my flight home to Vancouver (as I won't want to try from an internet cafe in Kenya), figuring out how I can pay tuition in the fall, and what almost seems ridiculous is, I still need to do a final project, study for an exam, and grade homework.
Vaccinations were the top concern on my list, because most people need to book appointments well in advance, and adequate time is recommended between getting shots and actually leaving. I first called up student health services and was told that May 19th was the earliest opening! After much searching on the web fand many phone calls, I finally booked appointments at two different clinics. One was a travel clinic, and they had no openings until the following week... but the doctor was very kind and agreed to see me before the clinic opened on Saturday! And fortunately so, because a certificate for vaccination against yellow fever is required to enter Kenya, and does not become valid until 10 days after the shot.
I had already booked my plane ticket for the morning of May 22nd before I found that out. Thank God I was able to get yellow fever on the 10th...
And if I could not fly out on May 22nd, I would not be able to leave before June 2nd, because all of teams in Uganda/Kenya/Tanzania will be attending a meeting in Dar es Salaam. I had the choice between joining them before or joining them after, and I wanted to join them for the conference. What would I do in Berkeley for a week anyways? I would rather meet the teams in Africa, and the people I'll be working with for 2 months. And yes, I will be flying back on July 28th, and to Vancouver hopefully soon after.
I can't believe that I'm leaving in a week. There are so many issues in my life right now that I don't know how God is going to save me from them all. All I can do is wait on Him and pray and hope, because I know that He goes before me and clears the way.
I have no time. I don't know how to even start my final project because I don't understand the material. I have basically no money after paying for this missions trip. If I don't find someone to sublet my place within the next week, I'll have even worse problems. I somehow managed to overdraw my bank account 7 times without being notified once, which I have never done in my life, with fees totaling $235. I'm flying to Kenya in a week... with rather short connection times in 2 of the world's busiest airports... by myself. And after I return, I will certainly not be able to afford $15k to pay nonresident tuition for my studies. I'll also need to find a place to live, but not now, because I would have to do a double sublet and one is enough. My mom is not terribly pleased and worries for my health and future, but what weighs infinitely more heavily on my heart is how I told her I would raise financial support. I admit now it was done partially in fear and appeasement. But Father, will you let your servant be called a liar, and your name dishonored because of it? Isn't it written, "you will be saved -- you and your household"? May you forbid that my household have anything bad to say about you!
I praise God because He has been building up my faith in leaps and bounds this past year, so that even though I feel like screaming inside and wish it would all go away, I will wait on the LORD. Because there isn't anywhere else to go but to Him this time, and nothing good will come out of worrying or being anxious. The LORD is the God of my faith and salvation, and He is fully able to do all things. I will not forget His love and kindness shown to me this past year, how He rescued and redeemed me from my sins and suffering, how He blessed me with joy beyond words.
May the name of the LORD be praised!
On the morning of May 6, 2008, I finally received word that I had been accepted to go to Kenya this summer. It was the end of many weeks of waiting and praying and more waiting, and the beginning of more praying and rushed preparations. As I've been telling almost everyone, I'm super excited!! I have had such a deep longing for Africa for so long, and since the day I found out about ICY in mid-March, God has been opening doors.
But I'm so anxious. I've barely had an appetite for a week, and that means stress. I can only pray that it is because I have so many things to think about and do, and not because I do not trust God. When I heard the news, my mind was going a million miles an hour coming up with a to-do list which included getting my vaccinations, deciding on when exactly to fly out and booking my tickets, talking to my parents, writing my support letter and raising support, finding someone to sublet my apartment, cleaning and packing up all my belongings, booking my flight home to Vancouver (as I won't want to try from an internet cafe in Kenya), figuring out how I can pay tuition in the fall, and what almost seems ridiculous is, I still need to do a final project, study for an exam, and grade homework.
Vaccinations were the top concern on my list, because most people need to book appointments well in advance, and adequate time is recommended between getting shots and actually leaving. I first called up student health services and was told that May 19th was the earliest opening! After much searching on the web fand many phone calls, I finally booked appointments at two different clinics. One was a travel clinic, and they had no openings until the following week... but the doctor was very kind and agreed to see me before the clinic opened on Saturday! And fortunately so, because a certificate for vaccination against yellow fever is required to enter Kenya, and does not become valid until 10 days after the shot.
I had already booked my plane ticket for the morning of May 22nd before I found that out. Thank God I was able to get yellow fever on the 10th...
And if I could not fly out on May 22nd, I would not be able to leave before June 2nd, because all of teams in Uganda/Kenya/Tanzania will be attending a meeting in Dar es Salaam. I had the choice between joining them before or joining them after, and I wanted to join them for the conference. What would I do in Berkeley for a week anyways? I would rather meet the teams in Africa, and the people I'll be working with for 2 months. And yes, I will be flying back on July 28th, and to Vancouver hopefully soon after.
I can't believe that I'm leaving in a week. There are so many issues in my life right now that I don't know how God is going to save me from them all. All I can do is wait on Him and pray and hope, because I know that He goes before me and clears the way.
I have no time. I don't know how to even start my final project because I don't understand the material. I have basically no money after paying for this missions trip. If I don't find someone to sublet my place within the next week, I'll have even worse problems. I somehow managed to overdraw my bank account 7 times without being notified once, which I have never done in my life, with fees totaling $235. I'm flying to Kenya in a week... with rather short connection times in 2 of the world's busiest airports... by myself. And after I return, I will certainly not be able to afford $15k to pay nonresident tuition for my studies. I'll also need to find a place to live, but not now, because I would have to do a double sublet and one is enough. My mom is not terribly pleased and worries for my health and future, but what weighs infinitely more heavily on my heart is how I told her I would raise financial support. I admit now it was done partially in fear and appeasement. But Father, will you let your servant be called a liar, and your name dishonored because of it? Isn't it written, "you will be saved -- you and your household"? May you forbid that my household have anything bad to say about you!
I praise God because He has been building up my faith in leaps and bounds this past year, so that even though I feel like screaming inside and wish it would all go away, I will wait on the LORD. Because there isn't anywhere else to go but to Him this time, and nothing good will come out of worrying or being anxious. The LORD is the God of my faith and salvation, and He is fully able to do all things. I will not forget His love and kindness shown to me this past year, how He rescued and redeemed me from my sins and suffering, how He blessed me with joy beyond words.
May the name of the LORD be praised!
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